Let Chaos Reign

Colonel Boswick Bumblesnoot Twiddlepipe was born in 1771 in the stately manor of Twiddlepipe Hall, nestled in the rolling countryside of Warwickshire.

A scion of a respected but rather peculiar gentry family, young Boswick was raised with a strict adherence to the virtues of duty, discipline, and an almost fanatical enthusiasm for elaborate grooming.

His early education at Eton was marked by a fondness for Latin verse, an aptitude for fencing, and an unfortunate incident involving a misfired cannon and the headmaster’s prize pheasants.

Determined to prove himself on the field of battle, he purchased a commission at the tender age of seventeen, joining His Majesty’s 33rd Regiment of Foot. Though his family had initially hoped he might pursue a life in politics or perhaps become a celebrated writer of gardening manuals (as was family tradition), Twiddlepipe's heart was set on war, glory, and outlandish military fashion.

Colonel Twiddlepipe’s military career spanned over two decades, serving with distinction in campaigns from the Iberian Peninsula to the Low Countries. Despite a reputation for eccentricity—once leading a charge while quoting Shakespeare’s Henry V in its entirety—his strategic acumen and personal bravery earned him the respect of his men and superiors alike.

Twiddlepipe’s defining moment came at the Battle of Quatre Bras on 16 June 1815, two days before the momentous Battle of Waterloo. Assigned to a mixed brigade under the Duke of Wellington, he played a pivotal role in delaying Marshal Michel Ney’s advance, ensuring that the Anglo-Allied forces maintained a crucial foothold.

It was here that Twiddlepipe's audacious cavalry maneuver, later immortalized in military lore as "Twiddlepipe’s Unconventional Thrust", turned the tide of battle. Faced with superior French forces, he led a daring countercharge, rallying scattered troops by standing atop his warhorse, Sir Bumbersnoot, while waving his plumed hat and bellowing in flawless French, “Behold, messieurs! The British Army bids you adieu!” The momentary confusion among Ney’s troops allowed British forces to regroup, holding the line until reinforcements arrived.

Twiddlepipe’s tactical ingenuity, combined with his flair for the dramatic, led Wellington to remark in his dispatches, "I find Colonel Twiddlepipe's methods unorthodox, but undeniably effective. Were he slightly less given to quoting Milton in the midst of musket fire, he might well make a general."

Retiring to Twiddlepipe Hall, he devoted his later years to writing his memoirs, perfecting his fencing technique, and attempting to breed a new, highly disciplined variety of battle goose.

His three-volume opus, "The Art of War and the Correct Wearing of Epaulettes," remains a cult classic among military historians and particularly flamboyant reenactors.

Colonel Boswick Bumblesnoot Twiddlepipe passed away in 1846 at the age of 75, after tripping over a ceremonial sabre while attempting to demonstrate his famed "Flourish of Gallantry" at a regimental reunion.

He was buried with full military honors, his epitaph reading:

"Here lies Twiddlepipe,

bold and grand,

His sabre firm,

his mustache planned.

With plume aloft and heart so bright,

He charged for King,

for crown,

for right!"

His legacy endures in regimental traditions, military folklore, and, perhaps most notably, in the still-uttered phrase among British officers when faced with insurmountable odds: “Do it like Twiddlepipe!” "