What to Do If You Suspect Your Cat Is Listening to Ska
What to Do If You Suspect Your Cat Is Listening to Ska
It starts innocently enough. You walk into the living room and see your cat perched on the windowsill, nodding its head to a beat only it can hear. You think nothing of it—perhaps it’s just the distant rumble of traffic, the subtle rhythm of the ceiling fan. But then, you notice the signs. The tapping paws. The subtle skanking. The missing buttons from your Hawaiian shirts.Friends, this is no coincidence. Your cat may be listening to ska.
The transition from a normal feline to a ska-loving menace is subtle but unmistakable. Here’s what to watch out for:
Purring in an offbeat rhythm.
Regular purring is a natural feline behavior, but if your cat starts emphasizing the second and fourth beats, trouble is afoot.
An unnatural interest in checkered patterns. If you find your black-and-white bathroom tiles suspiciously arranged into a ska-adjacent aesthetic, it may be time to intervene.
Tiny pork pie hats appearing mysteriously around the house. Unless you live in a 1950s jazz club, these items have no business in your home.Your cat rejecting all music except early 90s third-wave ska. If your Spotify Wrapped includes Reel Big Fish, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and Less Than Jake but you don’t remember listening to them, your cat may be secretly queuing up its own playlists.
Many cat owners believe their pet’s musical preferences are purely a reflection of their environment. But the truth is far more insidious. Ska is infectious. No one “decides” to listen to ska—it just happens. One day, you’re a normal human being, and the next, you’re involuntarily humming Sell Out while your cat stares at you with a knowing look.
Some experts believe cats are particularly susceptible due to their natural agility, which makes skanking easier than it is for the average human. Others suggest that ska’s upbeat energy perfectly aligns with the innate chaos of feline existence. Regardless of the cause, we must accept that no cat is immune.
If you suspect your cat has fallen down the ska rabbit hole, don’t panic. There are steps you can take to bring them back to normal cat society:
Remove All Brass Instruments from Your Home
If your cat starts meowing in a way that sounds eerily like a trumpet solo, you’re already in trouble. You must act quickly. Eliminate all brass instruments before your cat starts a band in the basement.
Introduce Alternative Music
Slowly integrate other musical genres into your cat’s routine. Classical music can be calming, but if your cat starts improvising trombone solos over it, you may need to go further. Experts recommend doom metal—its slow tempo is the opposite of ska, and your cat is less likely to skank to it.
Cut Off Access to Ska Media
Change your WiFi password. Block all ska-related YouTube channels. Set your radio to a station that exclusively plays Gregorian chants. If your cat still finds a way to access ska, you may need to move to an area without internet.
Conduct a Reverse Intervention
Gather your friends and sit your cat down for an intervention, but with a twist: rather than confronting your cat, pretend you, too, are a ska fanatic. Cats are naturally contrarian. The moment they think something is mainstream, they’ll abandon it. Wear checkered suspenders, throw on a Streetlight Manifesto record, and skank aggressively around your living room. Your cat will grow disgusted and immediately lose interest.
Accepting the Inevitable
If all else fails, you may have to accept your cat’s ska lifestyle. Support its choices, but set boundaries. If your cat wants to start a ska band, insist that it practices outside. If it insists on throwing ska-themed parties, make sure they end by a reasonable hour. And remember: ska is a phase that can last anywhere from a few weeks to several decades. With patience, understanding, and a total ban on Ska, your cat may one day return to a normal, ska-free existence.